although it was been a rough week.
Dear Everyone,
ha
the weirdest thing is happening right now like,,, as i start typing to
you i havent even said anything and i just start crying.. hahaha kinda
like you know when you just hold it in hold it in and someone asks you
"whats wrong?" and then you just burst into tears???? ya well thats
happening over email haha.
so... this week.
ok....
so we had exchanges with sister H and it was so good... and i
love her to the moon and back and i feel like.. like were just soul
sisters ya know?? but it was also hard cause i just have been feeling so
distant from everyone and everything and not really FEELING a whole lot
of anything except little random moments of frustration but i was
actually probably getting DEPRESSED and i was like "what the heck is
wrong with me.. why am i not laughing at all these things that are
hillarious and why am i annoyed all the time and whats with me falling
asleep all over the place??" ya depression. please dont think that i am
like really unstable... really it was neat cause i was able to figure
out something was wrong... but when your feeling down in the dumps you
gotta figure out WHY???? and what was bothering me so much was i DIDNT
KNOW WHY.. i was just plain SAD!! and i cried alot.. and poor sister b was trying to help me.
so... i had this neat experience.
theres
this lady in our branch that is kinda cookoo crazy and drinks alot and
has the saddest life..like ever.. and pres. henriksen always asks us to
go see her and i was annoyed because i didnt WANT to go see her and then
i was more annoyed at myself for not wanting to go see her... and as we
were sitting out side her house in the car i said the prayer and i
asked God to give me charity for this lady... to love her, just love
her.
and so she came out on the porch (it started to rain) she
wasnt dressed properly, drunk as a dog, and SO SAD she just stood there
and cried... her life is such a mess, and this lady (she's in her
fifties, and has lost everything) just stands there and looks into my
soul and says "thank you for loving me" and i loved her so much i wanted
to just wrap her up and give her everything she every wanted... I
STARTED to cry cause i just felt her pain this poor poor lady.. and all
we could do was sing to her. we sang with tears streaming down our faces
there is sunshine in my soul today.. haha... and she just bawled and
hugged us.
as we were leaving the line from les mis came into my mind "to love another man is to see the face of God".....
more talks with sister B to try and figure out what is WRONG with me....
its
just really painful not being able to HELP IMMEDIATELY. its painful to
watch my BROTHERS AND SISTERs make STUPID choices. its painful to see
humanity and i can understand now why GOD WEEPS for us.
i got a blessing from brother N... he didnt even ask me why he just gave me a blessing that was SO INSPIRED.
something
he said was "those that be with you are more than they who are against
you. be patient in peoples progress and patient in yourself and you are
learning to love more deeply than you ever have."
my HEART
HURTS... its been rough guys.. not gonna lie.. i miss you lots. i still
miss you. and to hear about kendal levine (Bron's good friend from High school who is currently serving a mission in Sydney AUS got hit by a car on Saturday and is in a coma)... man. i just wish i could do
something. i wish i could hug you all! :) but thats ok
ill share with you what i shared at testimony meeting yesterday
"when
i was in grade 10 my english teacher told me that i was a little bird
because i was to scared to jump off the edge and i was never going to
learn to fly if i didnt take risks. i have always been petrified of
taking risks because i am so so scared of getting hurt. i hate hurting.
there have been times when i have taken that risk.. and i have jumped..
and then i have gotten hurt, and then i have gotten angry and mad at the
world and sometimes frustrated with God for not helping me FLY! i so
badly want to just fly and never experience pain. i have come to see
that we dont learn to fly just from jumping off the cliff... we learn
from falling. because when we get hurt and fall we get the opportunity
to have the savior pick us up dust us off and show us a better way. a
man who was in the willy handcart company said "I
have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and
lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have
looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I
can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the
load through it.’”
He
continues: “‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the
cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was
pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of
God were there.
“‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The
price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and
I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart
Company.’
i
am thankful for the times that god has let me hurt. and let me cry. and
i am grateful to have in those moments seen and felt angels around me
and the love of the lord encircling me.
my heart is aching but it is full. i love you guys.
bah i havent even told you about the rest of this week!!!!!
ok
so A is still planning on being baptized...she really really wants
to know the book of mormon is true.. and i really really want her to
know that she KNOWS THAT!!! she loves the book of mormon.. and she prays
about it all the time.. and the church makes her so happy but she is
waiting for like so BIG answer.... SHE'LL GET ONE it is miraculoous..
but its quiet you know/? so we have been talking alot about revelation.
and G and M have really reached out to her and D which
is awesome :) A DID read a bunch of anti crap.. which scared me for a
sec.. but she is to smart and to intune and it hardly phased her. we
warned her that the advesary is going to try and stop her from getting
baptized... so she knows to stay strong
ummmm
what else what else... oh the stake president came out to tell us were
13 people away from becoming a ward but he upped the number to 34 for a
good comfort space.. so thats exciting.. we are gonna make it happen..
gotta find some FAMILIES!!
OK
I REALLY dont know what else to tell you.. i feel like i word vomitted
at the beginning of this email.. and all i really want is to talk to my
mom but i cant so that sucks
the
church really is true and that really is a great fact that should make
anyone happy!!!! the world spins madly on and we keep working on and the
Lord is working with us.. which is comforting and exciting.. great
things are happening all around the world and we are apart of
it!!!!!!!!!!
i love you
love sister douglas
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